You risk exciting me

Happy Restaurant Week!

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 19:59:50 GMT

I haven't posted in this thing in forever. Hello? Hello? Anyone out there??

I spend most of my free internet time on facebook. I didn't mean for that to happen, it just did. Sneaky little creature, that one. I do enjoy reading lj posts, even if I don't post. It's nice to read more than just a weirdly vague short sentence about my friends. I don't get much from "Jim is sad." Or "Susie is getting her vagina fixed."

I want to know why Jim is sad or what's really wrong with Susie's vagina. If nothing else, but for morbid curiosity. I just signed up for twitter and I suppose that's a whole bunch of short sentence blurbs. For the life of me I can't figure twitter out. I'm sure there's a short sentence to cure my twitter-retardation(tm).

I also haven't been posting because not much has been going on in my life. Same old, same old. I hate my job. I can't afford school. I'm trapped. All I would talk about is my kid. And since the majority of people that read this don't have children, you could give two shits about Mads. I get that. But I like talking about her. She's cool and you suck for not knowing how cool she really is. Her interpretation of an elephant shouldn't be missed.

Tonight Mike and I are going to David Burke's Primehouse for dinner. It's restaurant week here in Chicago so a bunch of restaurants are offering reduced price menus so the general public can get a taste of the good life. I'm very excited. I was stressed for a bit last night because I forgot to get a sitter. I sometimes forget I have a child and then Mike politely reminds me that thing that makes really good elephant sounds is actually mine. Really? Huh. Well fancy that. She's cute too! Our friends Mourneaver and Jennifer saved the day again. I don’t know what we’d do without them.

I'm a bit off put by the whole BNL news. It's weird. I know a lot of people think I'm a crazy person for loving a band so much. I get that. Here's a bit from an email I sent Kike this morning... I think it sums up my feelings really well.

"We both have a lot of emotional ties to the band. We’ve met a lot of people (some amazing, some creepy) and they’ve all changed our lives for the better or worse. BNL has helped both of us through some really hard times and given us the courage to be truly happy. We’re better people from listening to their music. BNL is something our grandchildren will talk about. “Grandma and Grandpa met at a BNL show. I love their music.”

Change is hard. No matter what kind of change.

On the plus side, I think Steve (despite being a total doucheb*g) is much more talented. Maybe we’ll see the old Steve that made us both fall in love with BNL. That’s exciting to think about."

That's about it for Jo Ellie. I do want to know what's going on in your life. How are things? Would you like to go out for a drink? Or maybe you'd like to come over and sample my tasty guacamole. Wait. That sounded... dirty. I certainly didn't mean for it to sound dirty. Come over and we'll watch the new Flight of the Conchords. You can eat my taco. GAH! Taste my taco. Wait... Fill my taco? Touch my taco?

See. Admit it. You missed me.

Help

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:23:19 GMT

Dear Friends,

It seems I'm addicted to Adele. Can't. Stop. Listening.

And not to sound like a complete weirdo or Dateline: To Catch A Predator creeptard, but she's a hottie.

Anyone else suffering from Adele addiction? Maybe a support group? Something?

Well...

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:56:37 GMT

I'm reading the book "Loving Frank". It's a great read and I'm really enjoying it. Because it's based on real people and a true story, I'm finding it fascinating. I've always loved Frank Lloyd Wright and to read about what he was like as a person in Mamah's actual diary entries is a bit like peeking back in time (although the book is mostly fiction and there are only a few of Mamah's actual diary entries).

So I took a break from reading and did some research because I thought it might be fun to travel over to Oak Park this weekend and see Mamah's house. In doing so I stumbled on a major spoiler alert and learned this book most likely has the kind of ending that leaves you weepy and snotting all over yourself.

In fact, I know it's going to leave me weepy and snotting all over because the spoiler made me cry.

Yep. I'm a pussy.

Stupid book about real people. It's not my fault true stories mostly suck.

It's a sing-a-long

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:50:30 GMT

Ohhhhhhh Yoshimi

They don't believe me

But you won't let those...

I wanna poke you!

Thu, 29 May 2008 00:19:58 GMT

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1240095317

Friend me, poke me, mob me, write me lusty thoughts on my wall.

You know the drill.

Mon, 26 May 2008 23:49:38 GMT

Giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrllllll

Don't make me sneak the green beans in your jelly sammich. Cause I will do it!

It took about five pieces before I got busted. The look on her face was priceless. I will never be trusted again.

And that's how I got her to eat her veggies.

This post was brought to you by boring mindless crap. Thanks for reading.

The friendly confines

Sun, 18 May 2008 15:49:16 GMT

Yesterday was Maddie's first Cubs game. She seemed to have a fun time and enjoyed Wrigley very much. We had suite tickets which is very baby/kid friendly. There's room to crawl, shelter, and a dessert cart. What more could a baby want? Maddie's been to the cubs, blackhawks, and bulls all by way of a suite. I guess that's what happens when both of your parents work in advertising. Just over a year old and already demanding her own bathroom and snickers pie at sporting events.

My friend Josie came to town this weekend. It was so fun to see her. We went to the cubs and had us some swirls at Uncle Julio's. It meant a lot to me that Kike got to spend time with Jos. It was just like old Chicago days and it felt really really good.

My friend Erin is getting married. She asked me to be a bridesmaid. Me? A bridesmaid. Ok. But don't bitch when I ugly up your pictures. Time for Jo to get super serious about getting in shape.

I love my friends.

Remember me?

Wed, 14 May 2008 02:40:14 GMT

Who has time to update this thing anymore? Not me.

We survived our trip out West.

I don't want to brag, but I got to eat cupcakes with gfrancie. Her son is so adorable Maddie tried to eat him. Very understandable. If she sees something she likes she puts it in her mouth. Much like mommy. (I do love a good fat joke at my expense)

Anywho. Here are a few pictures from the birthday party. More to follow.

Keep it real homies!

My beloved monster

Tue, 06 May 2008 03:00:07 GMT

Happy 1st Birthday Miss Madeleine!!

Pictures and post to follow.

I can't believe it's been a year. Time flies. Before long I'll find her online dating profile and she'll be hating me. For now, we're BFF.

Pacific Northwest Vacation

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:04:01 GMT

We are leaving on a jet plane next week. We're going to Seattle and Eastern Washington to visit family. The entire process of taking my life on the road is making my hair fall out.

CHICAGO FRIENDS - Does anyone know of any reliable pet sitters? Wilco needs a home away from home for a week and I'm far from thrilled over this. I need someone that can rub his belly before bed, take him potty, and keep him safe from other dogs. Our last resort is a boarding facility, but Wilco is a tad shy and other dogs creep him out. He's used to humans and quality television. If you know of anyone looking to make some easy cash and likes spooning with a pug, please let me know.

SEATTLE FRIENDS - Wanna hang out? We are arriving Wednesday, April 30th and it appears that day is mostly filled with family, but we have the afternoon of May 1st open. Would you like to go to a park and give my daughter a hug? Perhaps we could truck around the water front? We're open to anything.

SEATTLE MOM FRIENDS - Do you have any idea or thoughts on how we could rent a pack-n-play? I can't carry that AND Maddie around an airport. If any of you have one and you aren't using it, we'd be happy to rent it. Any suggestions or thoughts would be appreciated. Maddie can't sleep with me. We poke each other in the face and she tries to motorboat my boobs. It's weird.

Aside from all of the stress this is causing, I'm thrilled Maddie will finally get to meet Mike's mom. Crazy that she hasn't met her Grandma yet.

Please help me.

Love,
Jo

I muxed you something special

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 21:28:48 GMT

I made a mux tape.

http://shockerkhan.muxtape.com/

Two Eels songs are better than one. I decided.

Listen and have fun.

Hahh?

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 21:40:58 GMT

I start work on Wednesday. How crazy is that?

I should send a note to The Style Network and let them know their only viewer found a job.

I'm really going to miss Clean House. It's my life blood. Niecy and I have become quite fond of each other.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:06:38 GMT

I start my new job on 4/2. For those of you keeping score at home:

1) It’s a 40% paycut. We were barely making ends meet when I was a slave to AT&T. Which reminds me - if you use AT&T for any service you’re a douchepurse.

2) No benefits. None. Zero. That means I’ll be living without insurance or 401k.
When my teeth fall out, will you please chew my food for me? Thanks.

3) It’s in Northfield. No where near Michigan Avenue where my prissy ass has formally enjoyed employment. I’ve been working on Michigan Ave since June 1, 1998. Pretty soon I’ll drive a van and go to a church shaped like a gym with a closeted coked up minister that likes to touch himself while he’s giving his two hour sermon on the evils of black people. Watch for me in Jesus Camp II: Jews Gone Wild.

4) It’s only a four day work week. Leaving me free to visit Michigan Ave and spit on tourists every Friday. Why did I care about working on Michigan Ave again? I can now officially call Friday "MakeSweetLoveToTheCouchDay" provided I still have an apartment to live in with a couch. Maybe I can create a new couch out of empty White Castle boxes after I get evicted.

5) I would imagine, I’m closer to a Culvers. I won’t have money to go, but I’ll be closer.

6) I don’t really think there is a six. Just let me know if you’d like to donate to the Jo Ellen needs insurance scholarship fun. The proceeds buy me birth control just in case I find myself drunk in Canada again. We all know how that six martini night ended way back when. Her name is Madeleine and she’s currently stuffing cheerios in her mouth like a Craigslist Casual Encounter.

Wish me luck. I’ll need it.

gift eyes

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 01:50:19 GMT

In case you were wondering what to get your favorite Jew for Easter

You know what I thought of yesterday?

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 21:05:42 GMT

it's almost time for kosher coke and Annie Hall.

If you see Kosher Coke, let me know.

Merci,
me

Put a fork in me, I'm done

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 21:58:43 GMT

Miss Maddie is out of her mind with teething pain. She's a full on crazy person that likes to throw things and make her mom cry with frustration. I'm about ten seconds from running into traffic on Sheraton road.

This morning she hated apple sauce. This afternoon she loves applesauce. Right now she wants to teeth on the dogs tail. While the dog doesn't seem to mind, it's not kosher. When you take the dogs tail out of her mouth (why the dog doesn't move on his own, I have no freakin' clue) she screams like you punched her in the face.

We have tickets to a show tonight so she's going to see her Aunt E. I'm going to throw her into Erin's arms and run like the wind. What are the odds Erin never has children after tonight? Pretty high.

I'm tired, cranky, crampy, and fed up with life in general.

Oh yeah. I got a job. The pay is shit so it's no fucking celebration. Such is life. I finally get to buy Chicago tv and radio and I feel guilty for taking such a huge paycut. No more crying into my sweet and sour chicken over this. Like Erin said earlier today, it's time to celebrate.

Now hand me a fucking martini.

New job prospect

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:56:39 GMT

Talk about work you enjoy! Let's legalize prostitution before my unemployment runs out.

Powered By Love Toys

Miss M's Beautiful Face

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 06:15:42 GMT

My best friend from Michigan, Samantha, came to visit for the weekend. In exchange for giving her a place to stay for Wilco weekend, she took pictures of Madeleine. She just posted a few of her favorites. More to come.

I guess when I was in grade school I gave Samantha a pair of my pointe shoes. Sam had me sign the bottom of the shoes because she was sure I was going to be a famous dancer some day. She kept them and just gave them to me as a present. She thought Maddie might like to have them. We included my shoes in some of the pics.

If you ever need a photographer, Sam travels and is amazing. Click her for her info.

Baby crack and soupy vagina

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:02:21 GMT

I apologize upfront if this offends anyone. I'm jobless and losing my mind.

So... Maddie started eating Cheerios this morning. Wow. I knew people fed them to babies, but I had no idea of the power of cheerios. We're trying to teach Maddie sign language. Cheerios were suggested to help with the process. Much like training the dog, I guess. By the end of our cheerio lesson this morning she signed "Gimme more you stupid bitch" as I struggled to get them out of the box. By this afternoon she was cutting them up with razor blades and forming cheerio lines to snort. Who knows what tomorrow brings. Thank god Ann bought us a Cheerio holder.

The other night I was trying to think up the worst words to describe a vagina. I don't know how or why I started this thought process, but I did. Kike brought up the killer word that had me laughing hours later.

Soupy.

No one wants a soupy vagina.

Breadsticks anyone?

Memories!

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 23:27:45 GMT

I just found this picture on the computer. It's from a few years ago. It makes me laugh for a million reasons. Is it the crusty nasty hotel mattress? The fact that I look like that about 70% of the time these days? Or, how sneaky Kike was trying to be by taking a pic of me in bed? Nice try, but no dice. I sleep with the covers up to my eyes.

going to the movies with the regular jo ellie

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:23:06 GMT

So... taking full advantage of being an unemployed, I went to the movies today. I went and saw No Country For Old Men.

Where do I start?

First, let me be Safety Jo for a second and suggest you not go see this alone. It's one of the most suspenseful movies I've ever seen. I screamed out loud more than once. In once scene specifically, I screamed four times. I grabbed the arm of the nice old man that was sitting next to me. I clawed at my armrest and... at one point... I hid under my coat.

That said, I loved it.

When the movie was over, I felt sick. Not grossed out sick, although there's some gore. I was sick from the tension. At one point, I was so emotional and scared I almost left just to get rid of the feeling. When it was over, I wanted a hug. So back to my original point, don't go alone like my lame ass. But go. Trust me. You'll either hate it or love it. There's no middle ground on this movie.

Has anyone else seen it? I'm dying to kibbitz. I'll make you a pie if you discuss it with me.

try not to think the worst

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 23:12:04 GMT

Has anyone heard from gfrancie? Last I knew, she was going to Ikea. Safety in numbers people. When one of us goes to Ikea and doesn't report back the horrors, it's our duty to check up and make sure they weren't suffocated by tacky plastic furniture and Swedish meatballs.

I hope she's ok. I fear the worst.

Like... what if she comes back different. And tries to sell me Mary Kay cosmetics?

Ladies who lunch

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:16:33 GMT

I took Mads to daycare this morning and we were greeted with three sick babies. I packed her shit up faster than you can say "dire filled diaper" and brought her home. No reason to expose her to illness. Instead of her spending the day with pukers we were ladies who lunched and met up with Thales for some sushi. I had pretty good yellow tail and Mads chewed on a frozen bagel. Fun was had by all.

I hope the stomach flu plague of daycare is over on Monday. I hate paying for daycare when she's not there.

Why is my kid still in daycare if I'm not working?

I can't lose her spot. They have a waitlist of six months to a year. If I take her out, she goes to the back of the list. What a money killer. I think over the last four weeks she's gone seven days. Yet, we shell out $265 a week on the off chance that I might get a job soon. I can't suddenly get a job and not have Jo approved daycare.

Sometimes money is retarded. But I refuse to leave her around sick kids.

The secret to your social chemisty

Mon, 07 Jan 2008 17:14:20 GMT

Dear friends,

Many of you are about to go on a cruise. You know the cruise I'm talking about. If you're going, could you please be so kind as to take a picture of any towel animals left in your room by housekeeping?

Even if you hate me and just have me on your friends list to make fun of me, please. Keep my towel animal dreams alive.

That's the only part of cruises I enjoy. Towel animals. And pineapple on the buffet. But you can't do much with pineapple pictures. Or can you? I call pineapple challenge. The first person to get me a pic of pineapple AND a towel animal gets a special present from me.

Many thanks and towel animal love,

Jo

I'm leaving...

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 02:18:02 GMT

Tomorrow morning Maddie and I are leaving on a jet plane for Northern Michigan. Big Foot is sure to eat me. We will be there until forever. Or Sunday. Which ever comes first.

Before we leave, I wanted to say Happy New Year to all.

General Updates:
Kike 5, Mice 0
Wilco 0, Diaper Wipes pulled out of his ass 1
I'm more in love with Snoop Dogg every day.
Maddie has recently started chanting DA DA DA DA DA DA. I hope she does it to random men.
Despite what Kike thinks, I had a lovely New Years.

That's it. Happy January!

Update: Kike 5, Mice 1
smart little fuckers